Crazy Summer

Tomorrow is the official start of SUMMER. The plan is to have a crazy shenanigans happening all summer...so, I say a toast to the next days, weeks and months. Bring it on.

The Days Blur, What Can I Say?

Last night, I had an encounter with a drunk girl (I will call her Persephone). We were both heading for the elevator in my building, and she offered my a cigarette, because she said that she didn't smoke and that her friend just randomly gave it to her. I accepted this cigarette on behalf of my friend who was waiting in the car for me while I ran up to my apartment to get my laptop. 

Persephone and I continued to talk. She was stating how drunk she was and how she was probably going to get more drunk later that night. I also declared that I would most likely get more drunk later on as well. She stated that she was so tired, because she woke up at 6am, because she thought it was Saturday and she works on Saturday. I looked at her, with a puzzled look on my face, and said "Persephone, it IS Saturday." And she was like, "No, it's Sunday. Do you have a phone? You can check the date on there." I got my phone, and sure enough, it was Saturday, just like I had told her. She said, "Oh shit...I was supposed to go to work today, but instead I got drunk!"

I wished her good luck as I got off the elevator. I truly hope that she will still have a job after not showing up, and getting drunk instead.

Phone Booth Theft

Today at my placement, someone came back to the house and told me that she saw a man steal a phone booth on Barton St. today. A PHONE BOOTH. I was like "What in the world would someone do with a stolen phone booth?!" She replied, "Smash it up for drug money". 

First,  there was something lost in translation there. Second, I obviously have a lot of street cred to earn before I can become a successful social worker.

Things Happen

I have realized that I haven't posted in a looooong time. I apologize to the 3-5 people who possibly read this blog for that. Some recent, interesting and exciting updates in my life are as follows: 

• About a week and a half ago, my Nana accidentally thought that her dish soap was pop, and so she proceeded to drink it. Thank goodness she realized it wasn't pop after she had one sip.

• Today, I ran into the one and only Katie Mervart on the street (she was working on my corner, if you know what I mean) and we went for a lovely walk around Hamilton's most awesome neighbourhood (ours) and looked at all the way too awesome homes that we will one day live in. Ravenscliffe Ave. is my dream street, and if I stay in Hamilton, I will one day own a home on that street. There is no question about it. I don't really care if the homes cost over a million. Seriously. 

•  I baked cookies last night, and they are almost gone. I seriously need to stop baking cookies.

• Very recently, I have realized that some people are major douchebags, and I really hate when they mess with my people. Just get the fuck out, and leave my people alone. Man, I feel like a modern-day Moses...expect the Pharaoh is a whole bunch of people who are just douchebags.

I will try to blog more...life has just been unfortunately hectic and sad lately.

Advice For Broke People

Today I have discovered the greatest method of accumulating enough money to get that coffee at Tim Horton's.

You know how people will sometimes just ask you for spare change and you don't want to give them anything? Yes, admit it. You don't want to, and you don't. Well, I think we have an issue with it because it's so ambiguous. However, on the bus today, a man (who looked pretty broke - but had beautiful, unwashed long hair and a nice beard) asked "Does anyone have a dime?" and VOILA, he gets a dime. What a clever, clever man. See, who really cares about a dime? Not too many people - unless you're broke of course. So, I can just picture this man going around town, asking people in different social settings for dimes. Just a dime. People are cool with giving dimes. Because people are cool with giving away a dime, one person could be quite successful at accumulating the perfect amount for a coffee at Timmy's or something like that. I know it may sound like it would take forever, but I doubt it. Just walk around downtown for awhile, or get on a bus and get off a stop later and get on another bus (HELLO transfer!) and so and on and so forth. This is what all broke people should be doing. All the time. Genius, no?

So Proud...

My uncle's name is Ed. If you put in Google, "ed de" - "ed devries" and "ed devries nunavut" are the 3rd and 4th suggested searches that come up. While "ed devries" can get a little bit of everything, my uncle still enjoys a number of hits under there. For "ed devries nunavut", that's obviously all him, since he lives there. He's definitely a celebrity up there. The CBC love writing news about him and his weed.

Feel free to check him out. Maybe I should start a fan page.

So...I Went To Jail...

I have officially recovered from this past weekend. Now, I can actually sit down and speak of the epic-ness/lack of epic-ness.

1. Prison. Yeah, who would have thought I would end up in prison this weekend? Pretty sweet, eh? NOT. OK, it's not REAL prison, but it was Bond Place Hotel. First off, the check in took about 2 million hours. Second of all, we reserved a room that had a queen bed and a double bed; however, they first gave us ONE double bed. Yeah, that wasn't going to work for 4 people. Third, we complained and asked for two beds...which ended up being two SINGLE beds. Thanks, prison. Fourth, (here's the kicker), you had to swipe your card in the elevator to get UP AND DOWN. Are you kidding? Prison, prison and more prison. Message to Bond Place Hotel: You suck and can go to hell. 

2. This should really be number 1...but I just felt the need to talk about prison first. So yeah, me and Derek were OF COURSE on time for everything, since we are just so put together, but of course, everyone else (I shouldn't say everyone...but you know) was a wee late and we had to change our reservation for dinner from 6 to 6:30, and I think some were still late for that reservation. Noteworthy: Erica was on time for dinner for the first time in her life.

3. So, me and Derek ended up not staying at the hotel. This meant running back and forth between the hotel, dinner, hotel, and Matt's. It's was f'ing insane. The subway was necessary...even if it was only two stops away.

 

4. Two McDonald's runs. After the club, Derek and I wanted fries, so that's what we went out to get. Ten minutes later, we wanted more. And pop. And a McFlurry. Sooo...we went BACK out and got more. The staff probably thought we were crazy, not to mention that I looked like a crackwhore.

5. All I will finally say, is that I don't exactly remember much of the night. Apparently I fell and did not want to get back up (I love floors), and I was apparently stumbling all over and into people. I was also undressing Tara. THAT is something that I remember. The pictures from the club are awful...well, I look awful. Like, there was seriously something going on with my hair and I was all gross and sweaty. I seriously need to stop being crazy at clubs. 

Overall, hilarious and historic weekend. Thank you, Nat, for being born.

Could Life Get Any Better?

Text received on Friday night, from none other than the text Queen herself, Jess:

On the subway. To my right, a guy who looks like a pimp. To my left, a guy covered in tattoos w/ a sausage and a HATCHET. 

Now this is what constitutes quite an interesting night. 

HAPPY CONCEPTION DAY TO ME!!!

You may remember that I brought up the notion of having a Conception Day. Well, TODAY IS MY CONCEPTION DAY!!!!!! LET'S PARTY!!!

This is my message to the world: Your welcome. I know that your lives would be completely empty and miserable without me. I know I bring richness and joy to your lives which you would not have if it were not for me. Here's to another year of bring richness and joy into your lives, because of me.

You Gotta Take What You Can Get!

Once upon a time, there was a very drunk young man at Hess Village. We'll call him Tom Johnson. Tom Johnson was kind of acting crazy, and he even looked a little crazy too. He started asking people for money. No one was really sure as to why, and he wasn't really successful at gathering any amount of money at first. However, at one point, someone threw some money at him. The person that threw money at him was probably drunk as well, hence the throwing. Well, Tom Johnson, in quite a huff, picked up the money and threw it back. He was apparently not impressed or not happy or something. I just didn't understand him. Why in the world would Tom Johnson throw back money? He was asking for money the whole time. Here was his chance in life. Maybe he was asking for money to start a small business or go into organic farming, and was obviously looking for investors. He finally got some investors and then just rejected their money. Tom, buddy, why? 

Moral of the story: Do not always believe people when they ask for money.